fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
