Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
