her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
