you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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