We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
