I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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