In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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