what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
