I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
