I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And then my night got REAL pukey
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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