I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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