Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
