I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
