I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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