So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
