So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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