I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it hurts more in the daytime
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
