I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
