I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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