i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
