well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
