Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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