I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
