if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize