Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
