Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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