this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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