I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
