i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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