He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.