i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
