drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
