and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
