We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
