my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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