I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
