i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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