Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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