Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
