You're so nebulous sometimes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
