His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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