remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
