i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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