Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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