I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
