dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
