you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
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Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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