I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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