So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
