She announced her abortion via fbk
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
