And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
