I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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