Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
