No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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