At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We left an ass print on the piano.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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