hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
