Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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