I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i now understand why vodka
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
