I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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