He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You need a sexual gate keeper
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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