i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
